Man’s Best Friend.

I do not intend to demean women in any way. To tell you the truth, I want to start a dialogue that encourages men and women to love each other better and healthier, but having said that, I think the way men go about trying to love women is hopelessly flawed. I am reminded of a scene from “Invincible”, in the jaw-dropping finale when Nolan reveals his true nature to his son, Mark. “I love your mother, I do, but Debbie’s more of a… pet to me”, Nolan says to his horrified son. Obviously, this is not a healthy way to view as spouse, and Mark is immediately aghast at his father’s calloused and dismissive view of his mother. This did get me thinking though. Debbie and Nolan were shown to have had a lovely marriage, loyal to each other and supportive, and raising Mark in a healthy home full of respect and laughter. How could a man with such a demeaning view of the person he loves the most on Earth have such a wonderful relationship with her? Therein lies the point I will address today. What if we shifted our demands and expectations of women? Not to demean them, but to love them more respectably and fully, with complete acknowledgment of their unique feminine nature. A pet is not a specific enough term. I propose that the best way to love a woman is to love her like a dog.

The word dog unfortunately carries many negative connotations. For the purpose of this thought experiment, know that I am comparing the common aspects of women and dogs, not dragging our finer halves down to the level of an animal. Men also have things in common with certain animals too, it’s just not relevant to this particular discussion. Women are just as valuable, intelligent, and capable as men. Now, let’s imagine together a dog. Man’s best friend. Imagine how you love a dog, you take it for walks, play fetch, rub their bellies and pet them, play with them, feed them, let them sit shotgun in your truck, spend time with them. When a dog barks at you, are you looking for the specific meanings of each bark as if it was a human language? Are barks and whines mean to communicate specific words? No. Barks aren’t made to do that, they are in a dogs disposal so that they can signal emotions and danger. When a dog bites you, do you blame her? Not often, it’s rare that a dog bites out of malice. More often a dog bites out of fear, or neglect, or even playfully. When you talk to a dog, what do you tell her? Often not much more than “hey baby, I love you, you’re so pretty, want some dinner?” To say more would be strange. A dog hears the tone of your words, not the words themselves. You could say “I hate you, and I want you to die” to a dog, but if it’s said with a sweet tone, they would react with love. A dog doesn’t understand that when you leave the room, you aren’t gone forever. That’s why dogs always follow us around, seeing what we are doing, trying to be with us at all times. We love dogs within their nature. And they love us back. It’s a wonderful relationship when a man truly loves his dog well. Dogs often mirror the treatment they receive from their masters. A good dog can turn frightened and violent under the hand of a cruel master, and a bad dog, with patience and care, can return to their innocent, playful, loving state before the abuse.

Let’s return to women. Men really do want to go on dates, hang out, spend time together, take their women along with them, and enjoy life side by side with their wife. Men love the company of good women, just the same as they do good dogs. But we waste out time trying to read between the lines when our women communicate with us. All their words serve to express emotions. Specifics like “I feel like you need to get a new job”, or “You missed your daughter’s dance practice,” or even cheating on you all serve to communicate one feeling: “hurt”, or “scared”, or “lonely”. I am not saying this is healthy or unhealthy, I can’t speak to the female mind, I can only speak to how I think men can better treat their loved ones. See beyond the words, look for the emotion. Insults, whining, nagging, crying, throwing things around, coldness, the silent treatment, texting exes, all these serve the communication of emotions. For a man to get riled up about each of these actions individually is folly, just as foolish as it is looking for specific words in the barking of a dog. What’s the overall emotion that’s trying to be communicated? Knowing that women communicate in emotions, pay close attention to your tone. Ignore the specifics of what they say. Logic and action rarely comfort them. Hug them. Speak softly to them. “I love you” said hurriedly or angrily communicates the exact opposite of what you intend to. Women use words like barks, they don’t really mean anything individually, they all serve to communicate their emotions. And those emotions are very real, and not to be handled lightly. Respect them. Don’t just endure the barking during an argument, tuning it out. Women ARE communicating with you, you’re just listening for the wrong things. Men and women use the same words, but use them differently. For a man, a word is just a word. Not so with women. Listen for the emotion, ignore the words, and speak to her with your actions and words to comfort the emotion, not get pulled into a skirmish over words or a certain behavior.

Women are often clingy, wanting to be in every aspect of your life. This can be very frustrating to a man. You may just want to throw your dog in a kennel and ignore them. Don’t. Neglect breeds fear, and fear breeds biting. Men wonder why after providing food and water and shelter and social status to their wives they still don’t show them “puppy love”. It’s because you aren’t providing what they need most. Emotional support. Mood changes frequently and without observable reason. You can keep a dog fed and take it out to use the restroom, but unless you pet it and play with it and nurture it, the dog will grow cold towards you. Women are the same way. There are a lot of “bad” dogs out there. Bad is a woefully incomplete word, because the dogs we call bad were always dogs that were unloved, or abused, or wounded. When looking for a woman, know that these “bad” women aren’t bad, they are hurt. But it takes a Dog Whisperer to help them come back to full health. You can’t. You can’t love a hurting dog. It will bite you no matter how well you love it. But we have a hope in the Dog Whisperer. That Dog Whisperer is Jesus Christ, and He has infinite patience and love for His dogs, even when they bite Him. You are a human. You do not. When looking to marry a woman, be very careful not to adopt a dog that has unresolved pain. Only dogs that have been healed by the Dog Whisperer can be shown love and show it back well. Even good dogs bite sometimes though. When that happens, don’t take it personally. Pray for the Dog Whisperer to help you love them well. The way He does. Man’s best friend. Eve was created to be this very friend for Adam. So were all women. Know this. Love them well, and trust Christ.